recent posts from its1am

#14: I saw the light fade.

2010-07-29 01:34:07

Easing into my place,
I sit
and ripen.

My gaze is through the window.
Rain drops dance on the slick surface of streets,

Dusk falls quickly.

#13: move

2010-07-26 03:02:20

the blades of your shoulders rise to attention with you
everything is--nothing is finite
like a Grecian sculpture
on the edge of the bed
I wonder when we will abandon our belief in nouns

we can never stop ourselves from moving
even after death
after death you'll be diamonds

the entire universe is waltzing
if you don't step with him
if
you
don't
step
with
him
he'll lose you

the clicking of heels
echoing miles
across a vacant ballroom

reach you in
manic muttering
some pattern
you've for
g o t
t

t

e n

complacency is death.

#12: Status Update

2010-07-25 12:33:59

I have friends. Or so the social networks tell me. I also have followers and people who like stuff and commentators galore. Yet, I see so few of these people beyond whatever picture they decided to display, if one at all that isn't a cute graphic they stole. That quarky, tilted bathroom mirror picture with the comment "Watchin' Futurama with a beer" is not repartee. Its barely a statement. Its not even an action, its a post-it note to an event you're going to do when you put your phone down.

...I miss conversation.

The ability to look you in the eye and share a moment. To see joy, embarrassment, anger, disappointment, desire, pain and whatever else you've got. The touch, whether it be the handshake, the strange high-five, the ridiculous fist-bump turned into an explosion, a simple embracing hug, or for the few who love us, a kiss. To walk down the street, to share a drink, to experience an occurrence, to see that band at the one place that was once that other place in college. And how so-and-so and that one girl were there. An event in time and memory, not a footnote for your Notes area.

...I miss interaction.

Uninspired daily newspaper writers and generic morning decaf coffee news tells us that "by becoming more frequently connected, we draw further apart." I agree to a degree, with an amendment to their byline. Its not so much that we want to drift, its that we've found ways to make interaction easier with little effort. Mental fast food. Why make a meal when someone else made it for you? Another way for us to remain fat, comfortable and complacent. Who needs to leave the home when your life and all those within it are available at a keystroke?

...I miss reality.

Yesterday I found myself dismayed. I walked downtown having a conversation with a friend. The first I've had in weeks with someone by my side. When they said something particularly funny I went to add on and get their reaction... to find they were not even there at all. I stopped in disgust. I've become so lonely my own mind felt sorry for me and created a figment. What an update that would be. Followed up by some joke reaction like "Maybe its a tuuuuumer!"

...I miss... everything.

I'm tempted to close all which is unnecessary. I would still need one to contact those who will never be nearby, but the rest go. A social experiment on myself. Would it force people to talk to me beyond the monitor? Would it make me lonelier than I already am? Or would I simply remain the same and destined to be a solitary familiar? What would really happen if I pulled the cord on all that is "social" and tried getting people to be social? ...Its a shame this thought cannot be spoken.

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#11: new york city

2010-07-24 12:33:11

in new york city, the air is the temperature and consistency of human blood. i sweat and i can't tell the difference, i breathe and my lungs fill up with water-- it's clear i wasn't made for these tropical urban climes.

#10: Four fifths and I'm nearly there.

2010-07-23 16:11:31

The end of my era is captured with this sense of finality:

The sky's turned from rainy gray and blue to black,
And now I'm ready to sleep.
By morning I will be alone.

---

After I awake, make the rounds, and walk into the morning sunlight, I'll shut my eyes...
(imagine your frame, only briefly)

I will open my eyes and breathe in the earliest of air,
and taste the life.
Just standing there,
I will taste all of the life.

---

So what do I really need?

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